think.feel.experience.write

walking the black dog

I have started walking. Almost every day. I pull on my boots and head out the door. Almost in any weather.

It takes much more determination than a simple walk really ought to. As much as every sinew in my body pulls me to stay where I am, as much as my mind says ‘what is the point in doing anything’, some part of me digs deep and gets putting one foot in front of the other.

Why give so much effort?

Why do I walk?

I do it because I need to. Because otherwise I would sit here day after day never leaving these walls around me. Because I have more walls around me than the stone ones of my house. Because I need to escape.

Read about dealing with depression or anxiety and you will see exercise mentioned as a-good-thing-to-do. And it does work. It connects me to the world outside. Reminds me that there is more than the narrowed existence in my head. The world breathes with me and I with it. I live. I move. Ideas pop and songs repeat in my head.

And it does work.

Until it doesn’t

I seek escape yet my feet tread the same path over and over again. Taking me back to where I started. Nothing has changed. I walk and I want to keep walking almost as if I feel that I can out walk myself. But I can’t. What troubles me is not within the walls of my house, it is within my own walls.

I walk and the black dog walks with me.

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This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. Even though it’s hard, it really does help to get some exercise, go outside, see some other colors and shapes than at home …

    1. As I say it does help…and it doesn’t. Still if nothing else, at least I am getting some exercise!.

      1. Yes … and you might feel much worse if you stayed inside. Even if you still don’t feel great afterwards.

  2. It’s so frustrating when things that should help we feel better stop working.
    I do hope you can feel a litte better by going out/walking, even if the black dog is with you. The effort of walking almost everyday sure is something to be proud of!

    1. Thanks lovely. I am quite proud of keeping up the walking. The black dog is with me whether I walk or not so I might as well walk it.

  3. Your commitment is something to be very proud of. x

    1. Thanks Simone…though sometimes I think it is sheer stubbornness rather than commitment!

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