Usually I plug myself in when out in public on my own. Protect myself from how the noises and movements overwhelm. Hide so there is no risk of engagement. Distract from the worries and anxiety flowing from me being out here. Where people can see me. Lose myself in the music entering my ears.
Today though it is different. I have not plugged in.
I let the sounds sink in – the clink of cutlery on plates, the scrape of a chair, the hiss of the coffee machine. And the voices. Oh so many voices.
I want to feel connected. To remember that I am part of all this. The noise. The movement. The world working around me. The music created by all this life pouring into my ears. Making me seem like I can feel the breath, hear the heartbeats, touch the skin.
Sometimes the sounds are too much. They can overwhelm. Make me feel insignificant and alone. And sometimes I need to fight that feeling to lock myself away. Sometimes I need to open up, let the sounds in. Unplug from the music and plug in to the world. To remember that it is bigger than me.
Photo from Pixabay