Hours, days, weeks – all seem to be sneaking past me at the moment. They are on tiptoes, trying not to wake me from the fog that seems to still be lingering around in my head these last few weeks. I intend to do things yet so much is undone and I am left living with that feeling you get when you are asleep and desperately trying to wake yourself up.
Being away was lovely yet I am more aware than ever that much is missing from my world, from this existence I find myself in. You would think that this would inspire me to dig deeper, to work harder for the changes that are coming. I wish it was. My mind is still partly elsewhere, still trying to regain its structure and motivation.
Maybe it is busy working some great issue out and when it is done, I will understand what was going on. I will be all like ah-now-I see-what-was-going-on-and-what-to-do-now. Or maybe not. Maybe it will be forever a mystery. For now I would settle for it simply going and letting me be again. For now I will continue to get up, to do my best and to accept that right now this is simply how things are.