think.feel.experience.write

list for living catch-up

The List for Living is still alive! Yep this time I haven’t left it to flounder away in the vastness of the internet, occasionally sending malicious prods of guilt my way for forgetting it along with my good intentions.

Nope. This time I have actually done things from the list. Yes indeed. *pats-self-on-shoulder-in-a-slightly-awkward-yet-proud-of-myself-way*

In an attempt to keep myself honest and to keep updated those of you following my List-for-Living journey (aka my attempt to live this life and not hide behind the security blanket of my issues), I have vague intentions of updating on my efforts quarterly. We shall see. So this what I have been up to since rebooting my list way back in January (seriously how is it April already? Is time on fast forward or some kind of magic trickery?).

take swimming lessons

Let’s put this down as ‘in progress’. There is a waiting list for the waiting list but not a waiting list for the waiting list that’s for the waiting list. I did though actually ask in person rather than e-mailing so I suppose that is a success in itself. Next step – chase it up rather than just letting it drift as I would naturally do.

join a mental health support group or two

Let’s give this a big old tick! Mind group sessions on ‘Managing your Mental Health‘ completed. It doesn’t feel like it was enough though so maybe that tick is a little premature. I want to keep talking both for myself and for others. This may need to sit on the list a little while longer.

Bonus of ticking this one off my list (or not as the case seems to be) was making an amazing friend who, in his own words, is ‘teaching me to be a free spirit’. Which so far seems to involve cocktails and dancing till the early hours in a gay bar.

join a dance class

I saw one I liked that taught urban dance. Watched some of their videos. Felt too old and lumpy. Maybe one for if…I mean…when…I feel more confident?

reach a better weight

Possibly the one I am most proud of myself for right now. I joined the gym 5 minutes away from my home. And was promptly terrified about going. Seriously that place contains so many of my anxiety triggers. But I have been going and have been working with a super supportive and encouraging personal trainer. I have been honest with her about pretty much all the shit that goes on in my head and she…well…she has blown me away with all that she has given me in return.

It has been and continues to be a huge struggle for me. I feel so vulnerable, so self-conscious, so lacking, so full of panic. But I go. Knowing that I am doing this for me, the feeling of completing the routine when I am on my own and the pride in my PT’s face when I tell her makes it all worthwhile.

I need to focus on the food side of things though. Despite getting the green light on what I eat from my PT (take that all those people who says a vegan diet is not healthy or questions how I get enough protein!), I am still a menace to tubs of Pringles everywhere…

meeting someone from online in real life

Another one in progress. Plans to meet up with my Instagram friend and best binge-watching pal Jess from Stitches and Stars keep getting put on hold because well life keeps happening. Unlike our meet-up.

see the Royal Shakespeare Company perform The Tempest

I have joined the mailing list so I know what is going on. Other than that I am not sure what I can do. Maybe I could write them a letter asking really nicely for them to put it on soon? Preferably with a favourite actor or two of mine in it. Think that’ll work?

get a tattoo

Guess what. Yep this one is in progress too. I have narrowed it down to the type of tattoo I want, now to decide on specifics of design and placement. And investigate tattoo artists (no shortage of those here in Leeds!). And then actually go in and speak to some. Seriously actually having the tattoo will be a piece of cake after going through all those battles to get to that point.

attending a Pride march

I know the date (5th August). I know people who go. All is in place. I can do no more for now.

live in a loft apartment

I blame Queer as Folk for this one. Anyway I have not quite done this one. I have found somewhere to drool over. Now just the ‘small’ matter of being able to afford it…

try Pilates

My gym offers a Pilates class. Yay! I have to pay extra for it. Boo! The fact that I already pay for my gym kinda puts me off. Which is a little daft come to think of it as I would have to pay if I went to a class elsewhere…

So what are my next steps…to carry on with the ones already in progress (fingers crossed for being able to tick the loft of my list…in the next 10 years…maybe). Otherwise I really want to focus on being more active and do more creative activities.

So lots in progress, not much actually ticked off. My steps may be small. Yet they are still steps. After spending too long standing still, they feel like giant leaps.

 

Photo by Fab Lentz on Unsplash

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. So glad your doing well,keep it up,keep busy

  2. Thanks Mick! Hope you are doing okay. Miss seeing Boof run across the field towards me and our little chats in the field.

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