counter to the snowdrops

Three weeks ago I posted ‘Blame it on the snowdrops‘. A post filled with the sadness of what was left behind when we moved. What I still miss deep in my bones. A post I worried sounded too full of regret, as though I found no happiness in our move.

Because this is not true.

Yes I am still adjusting, getting used to the change This is nothing unusual. Change takes me time. And yes I miss the open skies, the familiar walk, the sanctuaries I built there, the changes the seasons bring.

I miss yes. I do not regret.

After all I am writing this sitting in a coffee shop. A coffee shop in a city. That I made my own way to. All on my own. It has been over 2 years since I was last able to do this. I loved my home in the countryside. But it was a prison as well as my home.

I am surrounded by people. Strangers yes but I can still feel their stories, their smiles, their lives. I feed off it like a person starved of human interaction. Which I suppose I was. And now I can change this.

This move has bought me many things I can do.

I can go shopping on my own. Whatever type of shopping I want to do.

I can walk, discover new things and places.

I can find other people like me. I can be less alone.

I can seek the support I need for my mental health.

I can sit in a coffee shop and write. I can go anywhere. I can be anything.

This move has bought me the chance to change, to find me, to be me. And I am, amongst all the adjusting and sadness, happy to be here.

Photo by Michał Parzuchowski on Unsplash