Turns out I was just a teeny tiny bit ahead of myself when I wrote the post back last September boldly titled ‘and I am back‘. I was wrong. And very far from being back here.
Last summer I went from being one of two for 23 years to just one. Simply me. On my own. A mutual decision made at the same time by two friends. There was no fanfare about it. No fuss. No big announcement. We made the decision and moved on, slowly and quietly letting people know about our separation.
And that there was where the problem lay for this blog.
You see it meant I couldn’t write about it. One of the biggest things affecting me for many years – and yes I am well aware of you, the elephant in the corner that is my wobbly mental health, you still win overall – and I couldn’t write about it. Because people didn’t know. And in turn it meant I couldn’t write at all. I felt like I was lying every time I tried. So I stopped writing, always intending to pick it up again ‘when things are better’, more settled.
But well I lost my way here for a while. Even once most people knew. Even once it became day to day life.
And now you see me again, 12 months after that decision, sheepishly making my way back here. To pick up my virtual pen and start writing again. Does this mean I have reached that hallowed place where everything is better? Not really. Not even close. I am still slightly lost, still working out who I am and how to live.
But I have changed. The blog has changed. We are both a little rough around the edges. Still very much works in progress. But then again aren’t we all?
I have missed this place. I have missed writing. It feels good to be back. Again.