all I want is a coffee…

black coffee on wooden surface, americano

…in a different coffee shop to the one I am used to.

Should be simple yes? Choose new coffee shop to try. Go in, decide on coffee, order, drink coffee, leave.

And I suppose it is that easy. Unless you have anxiety.¬†Unless you’re like me. Then it goes like this.

Hmmm I fancy trying a new coffee shop. What about this one? Or that one? I can’t decide. Maybe I’ll just go to my familiar one. But there are so many ones to try out. I need to try new places. What if it isn’t as good as my usual one though? The new place might be really good. But it’s easier to go where I know. No I can do this.

Okay right I’m going in. Where’s the door? Is it this door? Oh there is another door…which one is the main one? What if everyone looks at me? Do I sit down to order or order at the counter? Where do I sit? Would over there be better? I can’t move now, everyone will look at me and think I’m odd.

People are looking at me. I wonder if they think it’s strange that I am on my own. Do they think I have no friends? Did I do something wrong when I came in? Oh look that person is doing that, I didn’t do that. Where are the toilets? How do I go on my own, what about all my stuff? Do they mind me sitting here for so long? Do I fit in? Are they looking at me thinking why is someone like that in here? Why do I take so long to get all my stuff together to leave?

All I want is a coffee.

What I get is anxiety with a side order of coffee.

(the word ‘coffee’ looks really weird after reading it many times…just sayin)


Photo by asoggetti on Unsplash

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